A supportive partner or family member enhances breastfeeding outcomes
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The involvement of the baby's father or partner in breastfeeding can vary greatly among families, influenced by cultural norms, personal beliefs, and family dynamics. In this blogpost, I will be discussing my own experience of how a baby’s father or co-parent valuing the breastfeeding relationship between the mother-baby dyad and supporting it can contribute to a positive breastfeeding experience for both the mother and the baby.
My husband has been my support throughout my ongoing breastfeeding journey since it started in 2019. He proudly tells his family members, friends and colleagues that our kids are breastfed on demand and co-sleep with either or both of us. He’s an advocate for breastfeeding and human milk for human babies as a first and most natural way to nourish a baby.
If you knew me close enough, you’d know that I didn’t have high hopes or long-term goals for breastfeeding. I just knew I wanted to do it for as long as I could. I set myself small milestones: 6 weeks, 3 months, 6 months, 1 year and however long my son would need, which ended at 28 months.
I personally wasn’t breastfed nor was my husband. And I think this fact played a big part in our conviction to try to provide our children with breastmilk the way nature intended it to happen.
The first few weeks postpartum after my 1st, I had the support of my mother who came from Lebanon to assist me, as well as the support of my husband. My mama mothered and nourished me while I mothered and nurtured my newborn. My husband took care of the other chores and logistics at home. They both made sure to give me the space that I needed as well as little breaks so I could nap or shower while they bonded with the baby. There was a photo that my husband took of my mum spoon-feeding me while I breastfed my son. I’ll add it here if I manage to find it again. She couldn’t practically support me with breastfeeding tips, however she looked after me so I could recover and cooked up a storm everyday, with two to three different soul and body nourishing meals.
Things soon got less easy after my mum returned home and my husband went back to work. I could be camped on the couch, or on the bed feeding through growth spurts and not have a chance to make myself a snack or get a breath of fresh air outside. This was until I realised I could gather a breastfeeding station basket of water and snacks, and I had it ready for when duty calls.
I also started wearing my son in a ring sling and later used a boba wrap and a Baby Björn One carrier. I was then able feed him on the go, hands free while I worked around the house or walked at the park or the mall.
Baby-wearing saved my sanity and kept my son content, connected and reassured. I’ll do a separate blogpost on this subject, so make sure you come back.
The second time around, in 2021, the international borders were still closed so I only had my husband for in-house postpartum support. It was summer this time though, so my husband was able to take our son out almost daily to playgrounds or beaches - sometimes he spent the day at his aunties too - while I stayed home with my baby girl just feeding her, bonding and recovering between the couch and the bed. Receiving home-cooked meals from family and friends was a major relief too.
It’s a blessing that my husband understands the importance of breastfeeding in general, and its importance to me as a mother so he now knows that it would take priority over housework, meal cooking or whatever else especially when our kids are feeling poorly, teething or especially unsettled.
I believe that he can see how breastfeeding strengthens our bond and how confident our kids are with the comfort, safety, reassurance and co-regulation they get through breastfeeding and through bonding with him through different care activities too, particularly when their needs or tiredness might surpass the need to breastfeed: My husband would take them for a walk outside, hug them, meditate with them or help them settle before bringing them back to me to close our care circle with breastfeeding, more hugs and possible naps.
On another note, I really appreciate his family and our friends who would always make sure I’m fed/hydrated and well taken care of when we’re visiting them because I’m breastfeeding. Many of them would offer me the option of using their own bedroom to breastfeed or put my babies down for a nap. I admit that this wasn’t something I was expecting or felt entitled to either when I became a mum.
In telling you my experience with partner support, I acknowledge that things would look different for every mother-baby dyad and their support person. Some may not even have one and some partners might want to be more involved in the process of giving baby milk and bonding with baby or relieve the mother (or for whatever reason), that the mother would start pumping.
I think pumping is the next best thing after direct breastfeeding and could mean the world of difference between the baby getting any breastmilk at all and being supplemented with a human milk substitute (sometimes without medical indications).
I also believe that the ultimate decision about breastfeeding is for the mother to make and she’s more likely to successfully initiate it and maintain it if she has the right support and encouragement at home. It helps if she has her own mother or other mothers in her circle who successfully breastfed and would encourage and support her on her journey.
Partners’ knowledge and awareness about the importance of breastfeeding and the amount of time and effort it takes to maintain it is a big factor that could influence the mother’s breastfeeding experience and its length. Some partners might jeopardise the dyad’s breastfeeding journey if they feel “left out”, some may be uncomfortable if the mother would breastfeed in public, some expect the house chores and sex life to be “business as normal” after baby’s born and thus see breastfeeding or the amount of time it takes to breastfeed as a hurdle they need to overcome. And sometimes, a partner/husband might be too excited about breastfeeding and would put extra pressure on the mother who might be going through her own struggles with PPD, low milk supply or other challenges.
As much as a husband/partner’s support for breastfeeding would sound like a no-brainer, I think that the partner (as well as the mother) should be made aware of what breastfeeding entails and what kind of support would be expected from him.
Many partners would need to have concrete examples and a list of things to do to be able to work towards offering adequate support. This can be best achieved through attending breastfeeding/childbirth education classes or reading relevant books and articles or talking to a breastfeeding specialist or IBCLC.
Ultimately, it boils down to open communication and mutual understanding between the mother and her husband/partner with the latter continuously checking in with her in order to have as smooth a sailing as a breastfeeding dyad and a partners’ relationship could be, especially when needs and changes are addressed in a timely manner and with an open heart and spirit. The type and level of support that is helpful can vary for each family and may change over time as the breastfeeding relationship progresses.
Finally, I encourage you to check my list of “9 books i recommend for a powerful pregnancy, birth and postpartum journey” to get birth and postpartum ready. You can also check my postpartum, breastfeeding and coaching call packages for direct support from me.
And you can follow me @TetaWardeh on Instagram where I will soon be hosting a discussion with my favourite doula sister from across the ditch (that’s Australia), Jess Hastings from @MotherlyBirthWithJess to talk about partners role in preparation for labour, birth and postpartum.
